This is the sort of day where an eyeball clings desperately to its orbital rim before it squirts out like a pimple and sticks to a wall. I'm not into cold sharing. Scott started this, and I'm not happy about it.

Funny side effect- my brain is super zippy and gogogo, apparently benefiting from all the goop up there making everything really slick. Intellectual scream sports, if you will- ricocheting off skull walls, rebounding off the coils, hilariously zapping synapses for maniacal giggles. Can tell I'm not gonna get any work done today if I don't get a big grip and slap myself around. If I'm having a headache it's kinda lost in all the other nerve reverb slinging around. I had to chunk some benadryl down, body was getting too excited and wanted to start itching. Noticed that started up *after* I took this morning's zyrtec, so I'm really hoping I'm not having an over reaction to zyrtec because that would so suck. Not eating anything for awhile just to be on the safe side.

This is what all the broohaha was about this morning in my status update on facebook about accidentally downloading someone's entire photo album when I right clicked on the avatar. I LOVE this woman's photo. This is a woman you do NOT want to mess with. *I like her*.

I may never again get to color my hair since I'm coming up allergic to everything. I always wanted bright blue hair. People tell me to get a wig, but I get hot too easily, I'd be ripping it off.

Been putting off cleaning floors again, and now the temp is going up, snow's melting, supposed to rain the next few days, gonna be sloppy. I'm a little OCD about floors, so I'm not letting myself look down too much or I'll wind up doing that and nothing else, and all for naught. If I were more bendy, yeah sure.

Time to get creative, I've cooked up the last of the raw meat in the house this week. I still have frozen prepared food and canned salmon, all the fresh veg is gone, unless you count onions. Scott brought home milk and bread last night, so he took tuna sandwiches to work. I'm not going to know what to do first when I finally get outa here and go grocery shopping. Oh, yeah, nearly out of all the cheese, too. Still have 4 dozen eggs, lol. We're pretty egged out. I used 13 eggs yesterday making boiled eggs and pie. Kinda thinking spaghetti might be fun, but just remembered I don't have to cook supper for Scott tonight because he's going to try to work till around 10 pm or something. They got hammered with orders all through holidays, probably companies wanting to sink some of their money into inventory before the new year. And I've skewed wildly with my free associating right into taxes.

Moving along. Need a PLAN. Thinking about tackling a post about the Dark Zone because minimal research and pressure and I can boing in and out of this chair every 5 or 10 minutes doing other stuff like clean bathrooms and won't lose my place or momentum. I've already spaced out so badly just doing this that it's taking half an hour. FOCUS. >=l Need focusing music.

I cannot wake up this morning. Technically I've been up since 4, so 3 1/2  hours of rebounding off door frames and crashing hard on the couch in spite of 2 cups of coffee is a little ridiculous. So different from boinging out of bed at midnight 2 days ago.

Zyrtec is turning me back into a zombie. Z-bombed. Zombed.

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Finding that happy medium between insanely severe insomniac and sleeping 12 hours a day against my will is gonna be ~fun~.

Ran into a Christmas present yesterday while I was working on my chore list. I've got to do something about being so shockingly negligent of my own kid. Last spring I missed her 30th birthday, which is bad enough without also her being in her 30th week of pregnancy that week. And she mentioned it several times, I had plenty of notice and still utterly epic parent failed as this milestone passed without a card or even a phone call, despite me having stuff I'd intended to have mailed out well ahead of time. And I did it again. So I opened her Christmas present yesterday and plugged it in for a marathon just in case I missed any of season 5 of The Big Bang Theory. I have become my mother.

Don't worry, she got gift cards and cash and a ham and a giant can of popcorn, I just didn't remember I actually hadn't sent her present that I'd bought weeks earlier.

I used to have an impeccable memory. I miss it. Oddly, I don't feel that guilty. I'm trying to. I think I'm looking at it more like she'll be getting a time to pay taxes present. Cool, huh? I'm a cool mom. 

It's more like I'm long distance brainwashing her burrito. The kid's first TV experience all through nursing and teething is The Big Bang Theory. She says he stops everything he's doing to listen when the opening theme comes on. All those big words going into his brain...

Lurkers who stalk me know who my fave Big Bang Theory character is because it's in one of my bluejacky surveys. 

Part of my z-bomb fun is this burrito's name starts with Z. 

If there is one baby tarantula in the bathroom, there are probably a hundred more in the wall.  I'm not equipped to deal with this kind of stuff so early in the morning. I can't even face a search to get the true name of the spider because I feel like I'll throw up or faint if a spider pic pops up on my screen. They're the giant flat black kind that scuttle across highways around here and look like hell itself spat them out. They get bigger than your foot or hand and no one ever sees them because they're 'shy' and don't spin webs. Scott calls them wolf spiders, but those look more like the hairy black tarantulas like you see on TV. These flat ones don't look hairy. They just look nasty and the blackest black you ever saw and they move freaky fast, it's unreal. It's like seeing a shadow from hell in spider form. Anyway, yeah, there's a baby one IN MY HOUSE and not anywhere close to an outer wall, so I'm having a sickly wtf kind of morning. I'm hoping that its spider nature means it ate all its siblings before it finally came out of the wall looking for more food.

soothing -->  <-- soothing

Was reading somewhere that REM nightmares are worse than non-REM nightmares because the brain is more active. I've had so little healthy sleep over the last 20 years that my nightmares got way out of control, especially while I was on xanax. I'm finally very slowly learning to adapt to a healthier sleep schedule lately, thanx to zyrtec (*nothing* else works) and I'm noticing that the horrificness level of my nightmares is waning down to more bland 'why did that happen' kind of stuff, which is nice. Now my stress dreams are more about mopping up water from a broken pipe somewhere than someone's face being ripped off by some weird alien monster. I say this because I'm having stress dreams about publishing now, where family I haven't seen in decades is all gathered in one place and everything is ruined by a big water leak somewhere so everyone has to move all the chairs and food and I'm left to clean up the mess. Anyone could psyche analyze that one- I'm going to be saying stuff that a lot of people might not like, and/or set off a chain reaction of reactions.

soothing -->  <-- soothing

All right, what is the PLAN today? I got the very last meat we have in the house out of the big freezer yesterday to thaw, first thing this morning I'm putting a big turkey in the oven. Continuance with yesterday's organization plan, etc. Hey, I got a LOT done yesterday after I yapped on this blog, snapped right back into my old self like the last 4 1/2 months of feeling lost didn't even happen, so I'm feeling really good about going forward now. I'm home.

THIS is what I was needing.

They have finally got me sleeping through most of the night (back on zyrtec), except this last night I broke free around midnight and sprung joyfully forth and did my favorite thing for about 4 hours- wrangle with code stuffs and talk to myself. I have really missed talking to myself. I've been so twitterpated that I forgot what it's like to just talk to myself instead of the whole world.

The suckiest part of sleeping so much again is my pain levels going back up. I *like* waking up a lot so I can move around, because when I lay still too long my muscles lock up and then I wake up with ridiculous headaches or unbendy places, and then I spend my mornings dropping things and lurching about in sexy ways.

I laid awake thinking earlier about how life would be in this amount of nasty freezing cold if we didn't have electricity. I'd probably already be dead. Or extremely vile in a putting Uncle Fred in the stew pot kind of way because he be crazy and we be scared of his ugly ass and if he's going to be useless bringing home something to eat then we eat him. I'm rather practical that way. I also thought about the critters out there surviving this. Uber sux. I mean, if I get snow headaches and my knees ache in the cold, what do they get? Mean, that's what. Survival of the meanest.

So today is a whole new year of surging forth, and it begins with getting the dishes done up again, but not before I enjoy a little fry bread and dig around in the laundry a bit. The rest of the day is about organizing the rest of the week and month and year into priorities and goals and creating a new hierarchy of lists that will help me shake off this malaise and get me moving in a real direction again. Spinning wheels isn't my thing.

I grew up south of Durango and saw the Silverton train when I was a kid, and this kind of weather reminds me of trains, so this music popped into my head. Seems apropos.

Yes, I paid to have a completely empty blog migrated. No, I'm not crazy. I knew sooner or later I'd need to get in here and really dig around without anything in the way, and thankfully this is here because I can see that I didn't screw my other blogs jumping in and punching buttons when they were barely migrated. The rebuild is going painfully slow. I *think* the Xanga team is still in phase 2 of 4, and we still don't have internal blog stats yet. It took about 7 or 8 weeks for my navigation to show back up on my other blogs. I may never get the kind of code capability back that I used to have, which is prompting deep thought into moving my stuff over to blogger since I can still pop scripts in left and right there. I ~really~ miss my headers, they did as much to make my blogs pop like glossy magazines as anything, and several people have already bewailed my missing mouse codes. It's been 5 months and I'm not sure that my audience will ever seen anything better than what I've got now, especially mobile viewing being completely obliterated. I used to have some pretty savvy blogs. I feel like I have a cannonball sized hole in me where all the joy from playing on my blogs has disappeared.

So. Start over and own it differently. A few people are urging me to get my own dotcom going. I've got several blog promoters keeping an eye on my yablo blog already and I've barely got anything over there. My publisher is going crazy wondering when I'm going to turn something in. Despite my crazy round the clock tweeting I've got more than a dozen solid tweeps who steadfastly keep me on mobile alert and jump to links any time I post them. I daresay that's conservative. One day I caught 40 responses to a new link I tweeted within a couple of minutes. I don't know if Xander Bennett thinks I'm a sellout for some reason but he finally unfollowed me. I have no idea why he followed me in the first place when I was still barely out of my egg, but it was comforting knowing that him and a couple of other 'big' people really had followed me for no reason I could fathom at the time. And I'm still only guessing.

I need a secretary. Or an office management assistant, whatever they are called nowadays. Last year I was juggling projects in a very different way than I am now. My brain is way less glitchy that it's been the last few winters, actually started in '04. Yep, that's right, all the cool stuff I ever built online was done with my brain half fried out. Imagine what I could do if it didn't glitch at all. Mighta actually never built anything because I never would have been stuck awake glitching all night for years, right? But I'm realizing this year that I'm growing my little empire so big that I need a few clones around. Even if I didn't have my challenges and a burrito I'd need the extra time. The stuff in my head is huge. If I can ever really pull all this off I'm going to float forever.

My original Plan and it's original timetable went off the rails, obviously. I went ahead and did a year end content/response assessment because to my surprise and against some odds that I assumed would cripple my efforts, my readership is looking like popcorn popping and I've actually been able to fine tune my content and actually trigger real time response, even with all the migration fails I feel lost in. Now that holidays are over I need to regroup and reschedule my projections. Original projections had me published by now, but my goals have expanded and I'm seeing a bigger launch platform in future.

I'd rather not go on about personal stuff since I'm making everything public now, but it's pretty public that we got new burritos last summer and I'm a little worn out. I see parents dealing with obstacles from kid challenges and stuff, teens, etc, and all I can say is just wait till they start popping their own little gremlins, wheeeee! Despite how crazy and challenging this last year has been, I am so surprised how much more emotional and physical strength I've developed handling it, and I wouldn't trade it. I have already far outpaced some of my projections for where I wanted to be in my personal and public life, despite not yet accomplishing the main goal. There was a time in my life where I couldn't even see being alive at this age, and a few years there were pretty dark.

One thing I miss because of the migration interruption is my daily plan blogging. Even on my worst days I was in a good habit of writing at least a sentence or two in a private blog about the day's plan- what was for supper, chores I needed to get done, something that had happened in the family, usually something silly. I haven't done a daily private blog post since Sept. 1st 2013, after writing nearly every single day for 9 years. Maybe this blog will turn into that. And no, the posts won't all be long and boring like this. And yes, there might be gossip. And pictures. But it won't be a big deal like my yablo blog that automatically posts links all over creation.

We'll see what happens.