August 18, 2014
I have also published this post at a day in the life for mobile viewing.
These are highlights. This is how blogging has helped me get through the 'brain crash', which happened in 2004 during Bell's Palsy (which is totally nontypical but may be related to being a carrier, as we shall see) and grew increasingly worse until it started getting better around 2012-13, and is still improving. Between the confusion of brain fog and memory deficit (which was a new thing to my eidetic memory), I was unable to keep things straight for a long time. Being able to go back through private blogs not only helps me remember stuff, but why I made decisions this way or that. Blogging made it possible for me to watch my progress through a plan to get healthy again, physically and mentally. It's been nearly ten years since the brain crash (first signs in Sept 2004, but puzzling because no visible signs of stroke, tumor, illness, or trauma.) Life still goes on. I'm so glad I kept a daily log because I honestly don't remember most of this until it is triggered by reading it back to myself, then I go Oh, yeah... For the curious, I'm a Lymie (first infected in high school) with Epstein Barr (from a wild mouse bite, yeah I was stupid and picked one up by the tail when I was a kid) and had a bad Bartonella infection as a kid, very ill with the measles in high school (probably responsible for surgically corrected arrhythmia years later), nasty car accident, autoimmune flare ups, severe fibromyalgia, a nasty months long systemic CMV infection in 2007, declared completely disabled in 2008, but because I'm a stubborn aspie, I'm doing everything in my power to get back off disability. It's a slow climb up a steep mountain, but I believe blogging is the key to planning, the climbing gear, if you will.
They say life sucks and then you die. Well, I want my life to suck as long as possible.
August 18, 2007
Boy. That was a tough 5 minutes after they pulled out. Me and Twinkles bawled our eyes out before we went back in the house.My sploit is off to Texas today to her new life with her fiance. Time to start her new job, look for an apartment, get married…This was a small part of the loading process… Boy, my camera is getting bad.Of course, the sploit wasn’t weepy one bit. Look at that grin! She has techno-JOY!!!! Ok, private joke.It was a little early for Twinkles, but she was a real trooper, walking in the door at 6 a.m. in time for bacon and good-byes.Thodin. The yucky green car that has been part of our driveway for years… Today is probably the last day I’ll ever see Thodin again. I think they have plans to trade it in later. For some reason, this picture gets me more than all the rest. I have so many memories of moving the sploit to college and back in Thodin.“Ready, Houston…”One more quickie pic of my baby…. *snif*Backing out…Now Twinkles is crashed on the couch until it’s time to go to work. I’m feeling a weird sort of blue on my big stupid pills. The chicken is cackling. The dryer is going. I am trying very hard not to think about how badly I wanted to be able to go on this caravan trip with them.*sigh*
August 18, 2008
Finally starting to feel a little more normal, yay! Finished the antibiotic this morning. The body spasms are quieting down. Have been sleeping a LOT. Just about caught up on the usual chores.
Watched the Two Coreys season finale this morning, had it dvr’d. I couldn’t believe all the pills Haim was on. They didn’t name them all, but after dumping several other bottles, he argued to keep the vicodin (label said to take 4 a day) and the xanax. Geez, dude. I can barely handle 1/2 a vicodin at a time, and I have serious medical issues. Any time I’m offered xanax and valium I turn them down, point blank. I fear how hard I’ll work suddenly moving furniture around by myself if they knock the pain away and I have no inhibitions. Good way for me to wind up in the ER. You know, I never realized until I watched this season of the Two Coreys that I really am a seasoned drug abuser, under the guise of fibro and lupus. I’ve been fighting to get off the meds for several years now, and dealing with withdrawals and the shock and recovery my body has to go through on top of being ill, and I’m convinced that the world of chronics and terminals is a serious issue of medication abuse, sponsored by pharmaceuticals, insurance, and the poor doctors caught in the middle. When I’m on all the same medications that serious drug addicts wind up going into treatment for… Just because I have an excuse to take them doesn’t mean it’s ok.
Scoped out a few sites on epstein barr. Good lord. No wonder my doctor was so quick to give me that handicap tag. I didn’t realize how complicated that one is, and it’s just one of many wrecking me up through my life. I know I seem pretty aggressive sometimes about digging up info on stuff, but in some ways I’m still pretty naive. Here I was apologizing to my attorney for wanting to start up a disability case last November when I was so ill I could barely stand up and walk a straight line. I blame the Asperger’s, I guess it just takes awhile for things to process and really hit me. I fought the disability for so long, not realizing how much support I would have had even 20 years ago.
Haven’t talked to my dad in nearly two weeks. Keep thinking I should call and make sure he’s still ok with Mom’s care at the nursing home, but something in me keeps resisting. He was calling me nearly every day and sometimes crying and angry, and I had to keep smoothing things out. Scott’s mom is now driving herself all over creation every day, gets the boot off her broken ankle in about a week. She has stopped calling me every day. Well, I take that back. She called me a few days back to ask if our land line phones were out from the rain and I said yes. She called back the next day to ask if I’d called in to report yet and I said no. (I’m very literal. If she’d wanted me to do the calling, all she had to do was ask.) Then she called me the next day about the wiring in their air conditioning, and once she found out Scott was available he started getting all the phone calls.
I don’t do phones well. I don’t do other people’s ‘panic’ well. I’ve had to get through so much on my own without any kind of support at all, it’s incredible. It wears me out terribly, as an aspie, to have to handle other people’s stuff. I feel like I’m still recovering from all that constant problem after problem after problem this last month. On top of my own problems.
August 18, 2009
Family meeting at the nursing home set for Sept. 1st. I have so many feelings conflicting around even just the need for this meeting. I don’t even have to take sides to dread this. I’m not even on a side. I see both sides, I see that both sides have blinders on and won’t budge, and I see that it all boils down to me being the main arbitrator because I’m legally in charge of both parents. I just wish my dad would stay home more. He’s a good guy, but he just needs to relax and have more of a life than hanging on every breath Mom takes. If I had known Mom would make it this long, I really should have gotten a lawyer on this years ago. And her own private room.
Scott picked two Walmart bags of tomatoes last night, half from the big Shop of Horrors bush under my kitchen window, the other half from the bush that fell over two months ago in the flower bed. When the coffee kicks in (not sure it this will work, the first cup wobbled me back into bed) I wanna get a cookie sheet out and roast a whole bunch to freeze back in little bags for future batches of settler’s beans and spaghetti sauce.
@ 11:30 a.m.
What a long day. I’m in slo-mo. It’s so bad that I wrote down that I took a pill, and 15 minutes later could have sworn I never actually took it. Just writing it down doesn’t mean I took it… dang it.
And I can’t go back to bed because I finally wandered in there and stripped it. It’s a good thing I’m so far ahead on food, because I don’t think I could cook a meal from scratch today. I’d wander off in the middle of something and forget I was doing it.
@ 1 p.m.
I’m willing to entertain the notion that I’m having some depression. Took 4 hours to get that cookie dough mixed. My brain shuts down completely every time I think about either 1- my next doctor appt, 2- the nursing home meeting, or 3- the disability hearing. Ugmo. Eating a warm cookie. It’s helping. Put half the dough into the freezer for another day.
Watched a new episode of The Universe, they finally made a new one. I would sure love to lose myself in just thinking about stars and galaxies.
Decided to throw a good *what the heck* to the wind and threw mine and Scott’s pillows in the wash. Scott’s is line dry only, but I’m going to throw it in the dryer anyway. If he winds up sleeping on a ball, it might prompt him to go buy a new pillow after two years of saying he’s going to buy a new pillow. I have no idea how old this one is, but it’s gross, and I’m tired of waiting.
August 18, 2010
Today is chiro and the grocery store. This will force me to get a shower. I’m having the hardest time getting more than 2 showers a week in this month.That meaty soup yesterday turned out really good.No brain yet this morning. See ya.
August 18, 2011
- I scanned the crap outa the wedding book before Scott took it back this morning with our order, which is now only for show so other people ordering pix won’t think we’re awful parents, because we could easily print them out on our own photo paper now. We’re just getting 3 pix, of the whole family, the 3 generations, and bride’s parents with the couple.
As we were going through the book and noticing all the other family photos, Scott couldn’t help noticing how often *** and her current guy showed up, and how few pix we were in, and it became obvious that Twink didn’t make it clear with the photographer exactly who the family ~was~….
My perfect bow made it in the album.
August 18, 2012
- I really think this weird bladder spasm thing is my lower back kicking off again. Been having problems with it ever since all the mess started up with Andy, then gram, then Scott’s stuff, and now I’m having trouble moving and bending again, and starting to get pains down my legs. Might have to start back weekly with chiro. Also thinking about getting back into core strength training for my spine.
(retrospect edit- it did turn out to be severe fibro and was only relieved with many weeks of ASTYM therapy over several months- I can't even begin to describe the pain and the way it referred around nerve centers)
August 18, 2013
- Day 7 of norco withdrawal +_+
I think the worst should be about over. Been a zinger week, nothing like going through opiate withdrawal on prednisone and round the clock benadryl. I’ve lost 3 pounds, at least.
Hitting coffee a little early. Tonight is utterly sleepless, only 1 1/2 hours so far. Slept real good earlier in the week, surprisingly, probably all the extra benadryl, even though I was wired to the gills.
August 18, 2014
*** got back home today, will probably retire now. Scott took his mom and Twink out to see him come in. *** got married Saturday, and after they were pronounced and kissed they locked light sabers. I heard her blade was red, which is Sith, lol.I finally got a couple of weekends off in a row, and dang if I didn’t get in my bedroom with a forklift. Got that stupid dresser and armoire OUTA there. Scott says I can have a new dresser any time now, so maybe over this next week I can finish up the piles of stuff that have been amassing again since Twink got pregnant. I’ve been using a broken drawer on the floor for at least two years. Was supposed to get a new dresser a long time ago, but Twink getting pregnant and piling in here (rather her here than some place stupid!) and then moving around and then popping the kiddo early practically on top of me having surgery, and then keeping us busy every weekend (and more) since then, this whole last year has been like riding out a string of tornadoes. We’re exhausted. Anyway, I caught a second wind and boy howdy, my bedroom is getting a very badly needed makeover.
My nerves are quietly going into shock. Here we are again, a year later, not sure whether my blogs will disappear. Was hoping to have a little money this fall, but still not sure yet about Xanga renewing.
I need to get this book wrapped up. I’m glad I didn’t meet my last two deadlines because I am really liking the conversations I’ve had about breaking it down some more, stretching it out, filling it in. Work of art. I need to do it justice. It’s not just another story being tossed out there, it’s my histoire philosophique. It’s me putting Camus and Lewis onto the same gourmet sandwich. I really do believe I can pull this off, but in the middle of all this other duress and another blog salvage…? I’ve always said I do love a challenge. My whole life has been like the Tour de France.
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Everything I have in this blog
- 2018 - What are we doing today, Zuul? January 5, 2018
- Pinky live on mobile now August 23, 2014
- my Timelord name August 22, 2014
- timey wimey bloggy woggy August 20, 2014
- this day in history August 18, 2014
- popcorn August 15, 2014
- lost in space August 13, 2014
- circus baby August 12, 2014
- in which I dare to take a selfie with Camus August 10, 2014
- Hong Kong Cavaliers August 8, 2014
- never underestimate the power of otter pops August 7, 2014
- Can someone please make a gif of the Lexx blowing up the Death Star, thank you August 6, 2014
- weirdly awesome August 5, 2014
- experience addiction August 3, 2014
- we're all infected August 2, 2014
- end or beginning, our choice August 1, 2014
- another ordinary wednesday, sort of July 30, 2014
- we know our drugs July 28, 2014
- frickin awesome Monday July 28, 2014
- burrito 1, bonenado 58 July 27, 2014
- Protected: picking up my brain coils July 27, 2014
- yay for burrito parties =D July 25, 2014
- 50 shades of pink July 24, 2014
- Protected: I'm mean today, go away July 24, 2014
- smash July 22, 2014
- Klingon bastards July 21, 2014
- I brake for ducks July 18, 2014
- so much stuff July 18, 2014
- bonenado July 17, 2014
- trew luv July 16, 2014
- little yellow bolts of light July 15, 2014
- scaring the straights July 14, 2014
- movin groovin gummy bear July 13, 2014
- ludicrous speed July 12, 2014
- disciprin! July 11, 2014
- make it cheesy July 10, 2014
- bet you didn't notice the monkey wears a pink hat July 9, 2014
- Narf! July 8, 2014
- GET TO WORK! July 7, 2014
- a statement about twitter (boring, don't read this) July 5, 2014
- pinky robot carwash zombie July 2, 2014
- happy fourth of july July 1, 2014
- splat like a bug June 30, 2014
- a super short story with lots of pix about how Hermione, Ron, and Harry changed my life, although I'm not sure which one is Ron or Harry June 28, 2014
- WORKING June 27, 2014
- in everybody's faces June 26, 2014
- nearly fills the sky June 26, 2014
- A writer writes, always- encouragement to some fellow bloggers June 25, 2014
- because I'm falling down June 25, 2014
- you made it right June 24, 2014
- standing in the smoke June 23, 2014
- Fargate Who June 20, 2014
- fractal vertigo June 19, 2014
- someone asked in a forum why I'm still ~busy~ June 17, 2014
- my work environment June 16, 2014
- life's a beach June 15, 2014
- we like to party! June 14, 2014
- Happy Father's Day #devilJesus and all you other dads too, including the zombies June 13, 2014
- NOW June 12, 2014
- wet and mellow June 11, 2014
- Yablo's House June 9, 2014
- Spock Shady June 8, 2014
- the depths to which I've risen, the heights to which I've sunk June 7, 2014
- wibbly-wobbly June 7, 2014
- Banzai! -rerun June 5, 2014
- brain party June 2, 2014
- redneck A-list May 31, 2014
- early morning brain splat May 30, 2014
- iz becoming a thing May 29, 2014
- How sweet to be an idiot and dip my brain in joy. May 28, 2014
- beau pantalon May 27, 2014
- the Drew Carey show tunes post May 26, 2014
- the tough get rough May 24, 2014
- WWJSD? May 24, 2014
- out of the way, coming through >=l May 23, 2014
- spocked May 22, 2014
- what if the tooth fairy was called the tooth monster? May 21, 2014
- the fun house May 20, 2014
- cosmic curve balls May 18, 2014
- nothing ever really fades with time May 17, 2014
- glitchy robot May 16, 2014
- courir en hurlant May 15, 2014
- not looking back May 13, 2014
- drive May 11, 2014
- my best week of 2014 May 10, 2014
- back to earth May 9, 2014
- 70,000 May 8, 2014
- zurrito May 7, 2014
- Sharknado hit Gringos, lions and tigers and bears, oh my May 6, 2014
- the coffee song May 5, 2014
- aspie spaz May 4, 2014
- good morning, Dallas May 3, 2014
- nerves on an absolutely beautiful morning May 1, 2014
- in orbit all the way around April 30, 2014
- when you boil it all down April 30, 2014
- (HQ) Coyote Kisses - Galactic Love Song [Acid Wolfpack EP], bcuz that title cracks me up April 29, 2014
- life in plastic April 29, 2014
- fly like a moron April 28, 2014
- some of us just like to read April 27, 2014
- fun chaotic randomness April 26, 2014
- fusion April 25, 2014
- expect a big surprise today... April 23, 2014
- PR, bcuz I don't do troll bait April 22, 2014
- ultimate bedhead April 22, 2014
- back to the weird dreams April 21, 2014
- tastes like winning April 18, 2014
- all I asked for was a frickin' rotating chair April 17, 2014
- Duck Lords April 16, 2014
- ironical purging after a blood moon April 15, 2014
- are you ready, boots? April 14, 2014
- and it's not carpal tunnel, so don't tell me that April 11, 2014
- gameboard April 10, 2014
- backwards day April 9, 2014
- devolution April 8, 2014
- C.A.P.E.R. April 6, 2014
- nowhere we can run to anymore April 5, 2014
- party on the rocks April 4, 2014
- 500 miles April 3, 2014
- alien bogeys April 2, 2014
- beta flux April 1, 2014
- double countdown commences March 31, 2014
- brain chocolate March 30, 2014
- fake rhetoric March 29, 2014
- going Jack Bauer all over your skunk March 28, 2014
- nerdtastic doesn't get my breakfast made March 27, 2014
- mellow YOLO March 26, 2014
- space cadet March 25, 2014
- trigger happy March 24, 2014
- dreaming of surreality March 23, 2014
- pink and black paisley March 22, 2014
- burrito is already a singer March 21, 2014
- #aspienado March 20, 2014
- it's a bossy Bradley day March 19, 2014
- into the blue so I can work March 18, 2014
- crunchy snow March 17, 2014
- WORK March 16, 2014
- Lexxing March 15, 2014
- like sugar to my heart March 14, 2014
- painting the words of my love March 13, 2014
- 500 words before 6 a.m. because this is how I roll March 13, 2014
- ocarina of time March 12, 2014
- evil villains do laundry, too March 11, 2014
- favstar as a brain tool March 10, 2014
- more suck than usual March 9, 2014
- what Schrodinger's cat really does in that box March 7, 2014
- looks like my brain works just fine, despite the headache March 6, 2014
- it's been 7 years March 5, 2014
- chuis bo March 5, 2014
- the disaster of wrapping my brain around something March 4, 2014
- till I become March 3, 2014
- that being said March 3, 2014
- when the demon is me March 3, 2014
- I live for explosions. #confession March 2, 2014
- it's a pinkybluejacky day March 1, 2014
- pleaeaeaeaze February 28, 2014
- the best years of our lives February 27, 2014
- slamming my brain through the ALP mood grinder February 26, 2014
- we're going down February 25, 2014
- rich with eem February 24, 2014
- this planet earth turns slowly February 23, 2014
- how sweet to be an idiot February 22, 2014
- scary late night movie social and stuffs February 22, 2014
- 1000 word brain salad February 21, 2014
- Super Pinky February 20, 2014
- ain't gonna lie or beg February 19, 2014
- recentering February 16, 2014
- walking next to me February 16, 2014
- taxes and many other errands February 14, 2014
- Valentine Fail February 13, 2014
- zombies in SDC February 12, 2014
- opinions of other people’s opinions of other people’s opinions February 11, 2014
- I suck. I blame global warming. February 10, 2014
- where is little Johnny when I need him? February 9, 2014
- because Dogwoman would be a dumb name February 8, 2014
- on fire in so many ways February 7, 2014
- because there is no Gumby Spock in this world February 6, 2014
- moving in stereo February 4, 2014
- initiating a positive consequences panic attack for purposes of finding lost paperwork February 1, 2014
- chocolate fixes everything January 31, 2014
- parts is parts, and it's not all chicken January 30, 2014
- trade offs- one distraction for another and WORK January 29, 2014
- white and nerdy January 27, 2014
- just a dream and the wind to carry me January 26, 2014
- If I had you January 25, 2014
- moar coffeh January 25, 2014
- bcuz BACON and BURRITOS January 24, 2014
- TUH, ions, and maybe rice January 23, 2014
- things to do, places to go, people to bug January 22, 2014
- floating thru the cold in stasis January 21, 2014
- when red is blue January 20, 2014
- battening down the hatches January 19, 2014
- Categories, because now we hafta organize our tags January 18, 2014
- nightmare smooshing January 17, 2014
- it's no better to be safe than sorry January 16, 2014
- bizness as usual January 15, 2014
- guess the z's are working January 14, 2014
- toyz January 13, 2014
- spin the spinner January 12, 2014
- subprimordial ooze and brain slicking January 10, 2014
- Z-bombed January 9, 2014
- ice spydars January 8, 2014
- ahhhhh January 7, 2014