February 16, 2014

  • walking next to me

    Sometimes astrologers really get me.


    I am uber aspie the last few days. I can't tell you what this does to enhance my scorpio qualities. I struggle daily with my compulsion to plunge back into my old evil villain ways. My fascination with this career field started at a very young age. Click to go.


    It's occurring to me that some people will take this post way too seriously. I'd like to assume there is inherent good-humored intelligence tracking through, but I'll more than likely walk away and forget I was even here. Thanks to the lab accident, I don't have to drink to experience brown outs.


    Today is an assess and revamp some major thinking kind of day. I have deeply embedded trust issues. I can tolerate being condescended to, that's human nature. What's hard is keeping bridges intact to relationships I don't understand. Because THAT is my kryptonite.



    If I haven't killed you yet, it's because I like you. If you haven't pushed me off a cliff yet, it's because you like me. But if we're having a bad day, we're both thinking about it.

    I've often said I'd make a good dog. I even hope in my next life I'm a dog. Everything is pretty clear cut when you're a dog. I think the kind of life I'd like as a dog is running around with a little boy on a bike or hanging around the neighborhood playing ball or skateboarding.

    Brief whine- The last few days my pain level has gotten a little freakish. I keep forgetting that other people don't always know or remember that I can't take pills to get relief. If you've never in your life experienced the kind of deep bone pain that requires shotloads of controlled narcotics (which I try very hard not to do more than twice a year so my medical records don't make me look like an addict), then I must politely say fuck off and walk away before I kill you because you said something stupid to me. I think I do a very good job of * being nice * for the circumstances I live in, and being aspie, I usually feel I am the last one who should be apologizing. That being said, general apology to the world this weekend, sorry I wrecked your day if you accidentally and innocently bombed me with your own stuff. I know we've all got stuff.

    Moving on. Scott and I are hoping I don't wind up with knee surgery, point blank. We're also hoping I don't wind back up on cancer watch, point blank. I've got some things to deal with the next couple of weeks with a few doctors, and with any luck I'll only wind back up on a physical therapy schedule before we go on vacation later this spring. This winter has sucked in a variety of ways and since I epic failed with my new psychiatrist handing me more guinea pig prescriptions in desperate attempts to get me sleeping and mood stabilized (good grief, people), I'm on my own again. The only reason I'm not jealous of people who can drink themselves to sleep is a- I've already been through that kind of liver pain, and b- I know you're headed there. Please don't awww me in comments, thanx. I need bazookas and Mad Magazine right now.

    BACK TO DISTRACTION!!! Time to get back to WORK.

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