February 16, 2014

• recentering

  We've got 10 weeks till we leave on vacation. That suddenly doesn't seem like much time.

  Last fall I considered a two week hiatus from public to get some things done and decided against it because I felt it was personally important to stay in contact with the world. I'm *very* good at being a recluse. I'm the one who disappears for months and doesn't call for weeks and doesn't check email for days and my phone is on mute most of the time. That all changed summer 2012. I committed to public and staying visible, and recommitted to that again last fall when I decided that having an actual social life was a positive psychological health priority. Plus it's fun. 

  I'm a natural creature of habit, more like deeply trenched rut because aspie, so readapting my work/sleep routines around social activities several times over the last nine months has been a challenge. I feel out of balance a lot, but the funny thing is, I'm actually getting way more done now every day than I used to. As time moves on, I grow more productive in new ways because I have a social life. I didn't expect that. Some people call me hyper, but one of my super powers is organizing time, maybe because of some of the jobs I've had. I also can't stop working, even on my laziest days, partly because I was expected to work so hard through my childhood. Granted, I can simulate laziness (I had to learn that), but it's carefully manipulated, as anyone around me can tell you that I kinda freak out about wet towels on the floor or dirty dishes in the wrong place, etc. I used to be one of those people who mopped the floor on my hands and knees on a regular schedule and moved furniture around just to vacuum underneath. Every day I make myself not think about the dust gathering out of sight on the tops of my cupboards, but Scott has given me strict commands not to climb on the counters any more.

  I had planned on getting some things done by the end of February, and I'm juggling a few problems slowing me down (knee, etc), plus burrito, so I'm thinking maybe I'll have to back off on a few social things for a couple of weeks. I'm having a hard time deciding what to cut back on. Obvious choice is live tweeting shows with a twitter gang, but I so enjoy that. I'm wondering if it might be more conducive to my time to just stop cooking and go to paper plates. I dunno. I'll figure it out. My aspie brain is whispering that we can schedule out my days down to the minutes if we commit strongly enough, but that feels like a happy little path to compulsion hell.

  Behind all this overthinking is the thrill that I am overthinking after all the brain problems I had for a few years. 

  This post took a couple hours to write, sentence here and there while I did other things, in case anyone thinks cutting out sitting here yapping would save me some time, lol. Just nice to have my thoughts organized where I can come back and see them later, nice thing to have around when you become a little glitchy.

  Time to get all over some WORK.

  • 3:35 pm
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