May 1, 2014

  • nerves on an absolutely beautiful morning

    Does anyone else think the bleeding heart virus feels like strong arm tactics to synch-align everyone's accounts? AOL sent out emails to users strongly urging password and security account changes after some kind of breach that didn't make that much sense, and included this line, "AOL is working with other email providers like Gmail, Yahoo! Mail and Outlook·com..." Anyone 'working with' a branch of Google on anything is probably in negotiations. Anyway, if the bleeding heart virus is causing the same upgrade across the board, I think it feels purposeful with directional intent. I keep saying we're going through growing pains toward globalized internet with smoother interfacing. There will come a day when it all works and flows and there won't be any more balking about. Same with world economies. I might not see it in my lifetime, but if globalized synching doesn't come to fruition, our world will sink back into jagged tension and all the anger and despair that brings. Oh, yeah, good morning.


    Big thoughts. Am actually enjoying the irony of a truly great night's sleep coupled with a cute throbby nauseating headache that began the second I opened my eyes and rolled them in the darkness. My one consoling thought this morning is that at least we're not flying this year. I'm not nearly so terrified of falling from a great height as I am being a severe claustrophobic with a peanut allergy. Last year I was tanked on valium and vicodin and still cried a little with my nerves. I took comfort in the old woman next to me babbling on about Vegas, and I clung to the fact that if she could live her gloriously arthritic golden years on daily prednisone, flinging death back into the world's face while she was packed like a sardine in a can full of germy people, then I could make it to Houston ok, as long as I didn't touch *anything*. Peanut allergy people get to board first, but arm rests aren't wiped sparkly clean of nut and peanut oils from previous guests. No one ever thinks of that. I once had a reaction just touching a bank counter. Think about it- candy bowls, parents setting small children on the counter, sticky fingers touching everything... I get in the car and touch my face, boom. If I'm *anywhere* and my hands and arms start itching for no reason, I pull into the nearest public restroom and soap myself down real good, twice. That usually stops it. I don't dare touch my face while I'm out and about. I'm also allergic to dogs. I'll never forget the last time a dog licked my face after a peanut butter treat when I was reaching down to get my shoes. Just best not to go into people's houses if they have dogs. Ok, enough, I need to focus.


    Today is my last huge reset. Everything that has gone wrong all week gets fixed TODAY. And I will do it in good spirit.


    I'm actually really excited, grew up driving around the countryside to other states, and aside from easily getting carsick and it sucking to sit too long with an old back injury, it'll be awesome to get out and chug benadryl for all new allergens. But I really am excited. I loved Houston the last two times I was there, can't wait to see my kiddo and her kiddo and maybe the ocean and other stuffs. But right now I need to FOCUS. >.< Time to engage my frontal cortex in productive manipulation of time and space.

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