I am getting soooo much work done lately. Really liking being back in my cave. I would love if my house was built into a real cave, instead of sticking up on top of a steep rocky ridge. Click this pic to see more.
Scott and I both said no to a burrito slumber party last night. The 24 hour notice is slipping pretty bad lately, and it's bothering me how little that baby actually sees her mama. Getting too reminiscent of other people we know if we start supporting that. I spent my 30's raising other people's kids. My marriage was consumed with a step child. (Still is...) I can't support weekend flings when I NEVER got them myself. Might be time for me to say something mean again.
Want to whine about my leg... Still bruised from the ASTYM, several big areas on my whole leg were pretty messed up between the original accident, destroying that ankle with a nasty sprain, and overcompensating for so many years for scarred torn muscles in my lower back that throw me off balance. Plus the severe fibromyalgia and the years of slow damage from oncoming diabetes. You can't tell just looking at my leg, even at my age. I have a nice leg. But inside, underneath the skin, was layers and layers of scar tissue that had to be worked over pretty rough to break down the hardened stiff stuff for all the soft tissues to rebuild, over and over. I went through rigorous workouts after every ASTYM treatment to force my leg to learn better balance and to use the proper muscles instead of the overcompensating. This physical therapy course is over now, but my leg is still healing, and no doubt some time in the future will need more attention. I've got all new exercises to add to my growing core strength training regimen. I can only imagine where I'd be with this leg now if I'd never changed my diet four years ago and stopped the diabetes progression, because I was barely able to walk at all back then. The pain sux every little bit even now. Would I eventually have lost this leg? I keep telling myself pain is good, it means the nerves still work and I can feel and move and use my leg. Someday I want to be able to run again.
Lotta rain going on outside, maybe snow later. I've got a couple chores around the house, a couple chores on my tech, a little cooking, enough to keep me busy today in between WORKING. I need to stick to my PLAN.
Scott just left for the big draft, may not be home for ten hours. I'm already rocking a new beta test for my image host and about to start crunching down on part 10 on Lexx. I don't have to cook or clean anything today unless I want to move around and stretch. I'm in my happy little cave doing happy work.
Today was hard. I can normally handle fasting lab and PT and whatever else when I'm by myself because it doesn't matter how mean I feel, I don't have to talk. Today Scott was with me because his yearly physical was in the same building as my lab, made sense to take one car. The problem with us being together on a day like today was me not having any coffee for a few hours beyond what I'm used to plus his flat refusal to eat ANYTHING until nearly noon because he was so nervous. *wow* In the old days I would have just simply turned him inside out and put him through a grinder after I ate his head. Over this last year twitter has saved him from being my death toy a few times. Today was a little different because I wasn't in the mood for twitter and the guy was clearly too dumb to remember the old days. I let him live. That alone speaks volumes of my personal growth.
So me with no coffee or breakfast going through my final round of ASTYM on my leg ~I am bruuuuuised~ plus I had a vigorous workout learning new core strength training exercises, and then we picked up burrito and had her for eight hours. I spent my afternoon in wicked caffeine withdrawal on top of that, so of course I didn't get any other work done today. Was really hoping to get that part 10 Lexx post done. I'm past grinding my teeth over surprises in my life. I married into the most spontaneous family on the planet (key fault- neglecting to EAT while their brains fall out), only other aspies could ever truly appreciate me saying I've not yet destroyed anyone in twenty years of this. I'm gritting my teeth and sending myself to bed. After twenty years I am finally sleeping in this house, and as badly as I want to pull an all-nighter and make the magic happen again, I know I have to SLEEP now as part of my commitment to bettering my health. Maybe I can work on it tomorrow while Scott is away at a big draft party.
I could easily write 10,000 words on the magic of the old days, and how Lexx was built on long dark nights with only Willy Wonka youtubes keeping me company. This is a rescue vid, I think it has truly disappeared off youtube, one of my favorites. It's unlisted because it's not mine, and it looks like there is a copyright block in some countries now, in case it doesn't play when you click it.
Holy cow, I'm zapped. I spent the last two hours stripping mangled code out of my Lexx film study posts parts 1-9, because the server migration into new text editors was like slamming existing stuff through sieves. Got curious how many words that totals as a complete work so far and got 13, 228 on the calculator. Old Xanga didn't use to have a word counter, now that they're adopting Word Press I can see how many words all my old posts are. So my eyes are kinda twirly right now. I went through every single little bitty line of code... Every post contains between 40-100 screen grabs. I didn't bother counting those so far, but my host site has them numbered, looks like nearly 500.
It's been over a year since my last Lexx film study post. I can't believe I've lost so much time. I could have doubled that by now. In some ways I feel a little bitter and disappointed in myself. I'm trying not to let that eat me right now.
Will hafta spend the rest of the day resting my eyes. Have the blinds closed against the bright sun, skating toward a migraine if I don't back off. Purged my brain with a little Tchaikovsky and Prokofiev, now I've got this going, feel my second wind coming.
I dreamed last night that Scott had two ex wives instead of one. The other one looked like Lindsay Wagner and I made him go apologize to her for something dumb. Along with that, I was waiting for a fire to go out in a carburetor so I could put a very wet quilt into it like a dryer, then I went back into some kind of community building and short wave radio being broadcast over the intercom was reporting sightings of aircraft and that broke out into an argument (still over short wave over intercom) of whether it could be UFOs, but definitely someone was getting bombed, and I'm rolling my eyes thinking *BOMB* takes precedence over blip definitions you idiots, and I was diving around for a good place to shelter for when the bomb hit and then I thought *duh* BOMB, the whole building will go up, so I was about to go outside and just plain flee when Michonne walked past me into the building all droopy and love sick because Tyreese left her for someone else (by this time I'm clearly in wtf mode and yelling at anybody crossing my path), but then I found out everyone left ALL the dishes for ME, so I was getting ready to plow through this mountain of dishes in the community building...
I'm always thrilled to wake up. Chugging a little coffee before I go back to bed. The last month or so I've been able to go back to sleep pretty good, getting lots of sleep nowadays, more than I have in 20 years.
Today is my only day 'off'. This is a jetsetter week, and tomorrow is a biggie. I have fasting lab and Scott and I both have appts (mine is PT again). Scott got 126 on his glucose again BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. He's been believing for a couple of years that number will magically self correct in spite of his nightly ice cream and popcorn binges, and his doctor keeps saying next time he goes on pills and then keeps letting him off the hook. Well, this time he'd better get those pills. Dork. My fasting glucose was 147 at my worst, and I've got it back down to 85 again, so I have no patience with Scott saying he's weak. I just walk away.
I'm obviously still in kill mode. Sometimes this lasts awhile. Just need to keep staying away from interacting too much. I've destroyed people I care about over very little in this mode. Doctors have pulled me back off some excellent mood stabilizers in years past that my family loved me on because it was like being a destroyer on pot, I would say things to customers with a great big smile on my face and then get called to the office. I seem to lose my inhibitions on mood stabilizers. There are days I could be very happy pretending I'm John Casey with a bazooka on my shoulder.
I better get off here, I'm wasting my chance to go back to sleep. Trivia before I go- Leonard Nimoy played a KAOS agent in Get Smart.
Time to free associate myself back into dreamland.
