Holy cow, I'm zapped. I spent the last two hours stripping mangled code out of my Lexx film study posts parts 1-9, because the server migration into new text editors was like slamming existing stuff through sieves. Got curious how many words that totals as a complete work so far and got 13, 228 on the calculator. Old Xanga didn't use to have a word counter, now that they're adopting Word Press I can see how many words all my old posts are. So my eyes are kinda twirly right now. I went through every single little bitty line of code... Every post contains between 40-100 screen grabs. I didn't bother counting those so far, but my host site has them numbered, looks like nearly 500.

It's been over a year since my last Lexx film study post. I can't believe I've lost so much time. I could have doubled that by now. In some ways I feel a little bitter and disappointed in myself. I'm trying not to let that eat me right now.

Will hafta spend the rest of the day resting my eyes. Have the blinds closed against the bright sun, skating toward a migraine if I don't back off. Purged my brain with a little Tchaikovsky and Prokofiev, now I've got this going, feel my second wind coming.

)

I dreamed last night that Scott had two ex wives instead of one. The other one looked like Lindsay Wagner and I made him go apologize to her for something dumb. Along with that, I was waiting for a fire to go out in a carburetor so I could put a very wet quilt into it like a dryer, then I went back into some kind of community building and short wave radio being broadcast over the intercom was reporting sightings of aircraft and that broke out into an argument (still over short wave over intercom) of whether it could be UFOs, but definitely someone was getting bombed, and I'm rolling my eyes thinking *BOMB* takes precedence over blip definitions you idiots, and I was diving around for a good place to shelter for when the bomb hit and then I thought *duh* BOMB, the whole building will go up, so I was about to go outside and just plain flee when Michonne walked past me into the building all droopy and love sick because Tyreese left her for someone else (by this time I'm clearly in wtf mode and yelling at anybody crossing my path), but then I found out everyone left ALL the dishes for ME, so I was getting ready to plow through this mountain of dishes in the community building...

I'm always thrilled to wake up. Chugging a little coffee before I go back to bed. The last month or so I've been able to go back to sleep pretty good, getting lots of sleep nowadays, more than I have in 20 years.

Today is my only day 'off'. This is a jetsetter week, and tomorrow is a biggie. I have fasting lab and Scott and I both have appts (mine is PT again). Scott got 126 on his glucose again BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. He's been believing for a couple of years that number will magically self correct in spite of his nightly ice cream and popcorn binges, and his doctor keeps saying next time he goes on pills and then keeps letting him off the hook. Well, this time he'd better get those pills. Dork. My fasting glucose was 147 at my worst, and I've got it back down to 85 again, so I have no patience with Scott saying he's weak. I just walk away.

I'm obviously still in kill mode. Sometimes this lasts awhile. Just need to keep staying away from interacting too much. I've destroyed people I care about over very little in this mode. Doctors have pulled me back off some excellent mood stabilizers in years past that my family loved me on because it was like being a destroyer on pot, I would say things to customers with a great big smile on my face and then get called to the office. I seem to lose my inhibitions on mood stabilizers. There are days I could be very happy pretending I'm John Casey with a bazooka on my shoulder.

I better get off here, I'm wasting my chance to go back to sleep. Trivia before I go- Leonard Nimoy played a KAOS agent in Get Smart.

Time to free associate myself back into dreamland.

)