I started antibiotic this week for upper respiratory (still crossing my fingers I was headed for bronchitis instead of CMV reactivation), the herx hit last night (I'm an aging Lymie), the dreams got weird, and I woke up around midnight with this song playing over and over in my head.
Scott was going on about my incredible memory yesterday (don't remember why, haha), how I can remember in great detail things I've heard or seen even months and years later, so sometimes I think about what it'll be like in a nursing home someday, obsessively singing show tunes that pop into my head. Never know what's going to happen in the old folks home.
Meanwhile, I have accidentally made fudge of the hot chocolate I started on the stove, and then nearly destroyed my laptop nearly dragging it off the table when I jumped up with the earphones still around my neck. Gonna be one of those days. Twink and burrito are still upstairs, if we want breakfast in this house I'm gonna hafta get my head together.
Do I contact Peter Lopez about getting permission, or does xxxx do it? And if I need to do the contacting, I very much need guidance how to go about that.
In case it comes up, the blog in question is at http://bluejacky.xanga.com I no longer use that graphic in the header since the server migration wiped out the old format, but I would very much like to give the original owner credit for my favorite version of the Rosette Nebula, which I found inspiring for my thinking and writing. If I need to purchase permission, please let me know.
Thanks,
Janika Banks
Back to real life. My week has been a little crummy but I'm elated that I finally managed to get my Torch browser to capture this video, one of my top faves from way way back when I was surviving all my stuff without yet having any medications and everything in my life was going very stupidly. It's the little wins, you know? Sometimes they make all the difference while you're trying to get something really hard done.
Anyone and everyone who PMs, DMs, emails, gmails, or otherwise attempts to call or text me asking for money for any reason on this earth immediately gets blocked in every way, shape, and form. Just saying. We all need money, no I'm not helping anyone who can't scrape themselves out of their own gutter like I had to do. I'm kinda mean that way. If I had a death star and a voodoo doll today I couldn't have blocked that person any faster.
I am currently under watch for CMV reactivation. The last time I had a CMV flare my liver and spleen swelled for weeks, the thrush throughout my entire digestive system felt like I'd been scraped through with a wire bristle brush, and the fluid in my lungs got so bad for three days that I thought I was going to drown in it. I never coughed so hard and so long in my life, and naturally that set off the most severe fibromyalgia of the rib cage imaginable, so I felt like I was tied up in a corset for a couple of weeks afterward and could barely do more than shallow breathing (and all that coughing on top of the migraines I was having back then, fun and games, kids). The severe fatigue from that 6 weeks long complicated flare took months to wear off, and that infection is what triggered the beginning of my autoimmune reaction disorder, suddenly coming up allergic to all my favorite foods right and left.
Since CMV is one of a thousand mono viruses, there is nothing anyone can do, and people with autoimmune challenges are automatically at much higher risk for organ failures and death during a CMV flare. It can take up to 2 weeks for blood tests to show up positive, and by then I'll be on my way to pretty miserable, if that's what this is. Hoping and praying it's just a respiratory infection on top of severe chronic fatigue from my vacation on top of sliding into the dark zone on my diet with my diabetes, which might have puffed my poor tummy up like a balloon (or this could be an autoimmune flare up, but we have to rule everything else out first because steroids make real infections monumentally worse). If you've never seen anyone with a swollen liver and spleen, good, your life is blessed. If you have a clue what I'm talking about, just know I know you know I know.
I'm already making a Plan. Even if this turns out to be a false alarm, the chronic fatigue is real enough to be a big problem, and I know from long experience to slow down and just let my body figure itself out, instead of fighting to stay more active than I'm capable of. I shopped for menus with extra protein and raw vegetables and salads, got my town chores and errands lined up and done, got my PT appointments set up, got my blood work going, and now I'm all set to focus my bwains on workworkwork to keep me distracted.
When I get this sick, I get mean. Between feeling so gross and possibly meds yanking me around, I have accidentally been Darth Vader to some of my favoritist people. I'm very strong in the Force, and when the dark side hits, I can force choke right through your monitor from a thousand miles away. When they say don't go down without a fight, you people better stand back about a couple of light years, because gamma rays shoot out of my eyeballs and I fry everyone I look at.
Iz my survival skillz.
I'm sure I'm overstating and everyone will be afraid of me on twitter now, haha. But if I feel that bad I won't tweet.
And when I do tweet I won't feel like talking lengthily about being sick.
I'll probably skip a lot of live tweets till I feel better, and some people will think I'm a drag. That doesn't bother me. I'm on social media to entertain *myself*. Every bit of what I do all started on long dark nights when no one else was around to talk to, and I would still be doing it if I were the last person left alive in the zombie apocalypse. This is what I do. That people actually read my stuff is a pleasant byproduct.
This is me believing I can still take over the world anyway.
If all else fails I'll ask myself, "What would Jason Sadler do?" I'm betting he's got a lot more info in his crazy noggin that we're not aware of yet.
I need to get off here and get back onto the rest of today's plan, which might include a grill and homemade ice cream and a burrito coming over.
F bombs going off in my head. But this is way better than the sadness and depression stage I could be hitting.
So I'm wrapping up just this incredibly challenging week with full intent to wrap up just this incredibly challenging final 5 weeks left of WORK, and have discovered that while I was on vacation, Xanga did another incredibly challenging code integration update THAT WIPED ALL MY VIDEOS FROM ALL MY POSTS BEFORE A CERTAIN RECENT DATE. Two years' of videos across multiple blogs and at least 300 posts (not counting all the previous blogs still held back in private), and meanwhile my blogs are actually revving up, visitors showing up from all over the world and particularly the Los Angeles area *omg*. What. perfect. timing.
I have seriously never met anyone on the twitters who has gone through more stress than I have, freakishly working like the devil to keep my blogs alive and intact for the last 9 months during this godawful server migration (which I'm deeply thankful for as opposed to simply just losing all my work) while I'm simultaneously dealing with freakishly high pain levels (this week has been fairly hellish), AND working on getting a real book published WHILE both daughters went through pregnancies at the same time and popped out cute little spawn. And those are just the highlights.
***DEEP BREATH***
I raced around first thing this morning getting my latest apparently now popular post updated (thanx to Russian fans on the other side of the world linking it ~love you guys~), and now I can officially restart my morning. I have less than 3 hours to get everything ready for another big trip to town, and I'm going to assume my day is going to suck and just roll with it. Some of my coolest creations have come out of the worst suck, so I've learned not to fall into the pity party hole without a parachute, a grapple hook and rope ladder, and if all else fails, flares so Scott can pull me out.
Now I'm just stalling. Need to engage the brain. Later, guys.
Managed to sleep 2/3 of the last 18 hours away, only killed Scott once. All kinds of nerve reaction got triggered. Does anyone else come away from a simple cleaning feeling like every tooth needs a root canal? No? Never mind, then. Before I figured out I have TN, mine most likely stemming from nearly ripping my head off in a car accident when I was 19, in my 20's I actually did go to a dentist and beg him to do root canals. Thank goodness he refused. Click this pic for more Spock memes.
I'm sure all my friends are glad I disappeared from twitter before I burned the entire thing down. You're welcome.
Two more big days to go. This afternoon I have physical therapy assessment. I'm going to get everything ready for taco salad before I go because I won't feel like it when I get back, which will be right around when Scott gets home from work. I have two big appointments tomorrow, so I had planned all kinds of errands around them, but since this appt popped up, maybe I can do some of the running today so tomorrow won't be so long. Run-on sentences, time I left this post... omg, I just discovered another big Xanga migration code integration update just wiped out all the Spock videos from one of my old surveys. All the gaps were videos, and that survey was loaded because I was having such a bad year. Time to walk away from the laptop and not throw stuff, gotta stay focused on today, no fixing.
But this is way better than the sadness and depression stage I could be hitting. 
~love you guys~), and now I can officially restart my morning. I have less than 3 hours to get everything ready for another big trip to town, and I'm going to assume my day is going to suck and just roll with it. Some of my coolest creations have come out of the worst suck, so I've learned not to fall into the pity party hole without a parachute, a grapple hook and rope ladder, and if all else fails, flares so Scott can pull me out.
Click this pic for more Spock memes.
All the gaps were videos, and that survey was loaded because I was having such a bad year. Time to walk away from the laptop and not throw stuff, gotta stay focused on today, no fixing.
