I'm going thru one of my weird euphorias again, now that I know what those are. To me it mostly just feels like an energetic high where I don't feel like sleeping or eating and I'm in love with everything and it doesn't take much to whirl my brain, like colors and sounds. When I get like this I can run youtubes over and over and over and over and go into a weird hypno-trance while I do other work.
Once in awhile someone asks me why I don't fix up my blogs to look more professional, and quite recently someone *cough* politely *cough* let me know there were places where I could pick up website tools real cheap, yadayada.
I have already spent $3000 on my web empire getting exactly what I want, even if it looks like it's still in bits and pieces, because it is. I KNOW this doesn't look professional, but bloggers nowadays don't understand that I think they look like they are being channeled more and more into preset parameters, like cattle through a chute. When I first started playing on the internet, I built my very first set of pages from scratch. When I made my very first blog on Xanga I tore it apart rebuilding the codework till I literally wrecked the preset frames. I have accidentally sent entire blogs and forums whirling through space and time because I'd forget to close my code after a motion command on a gif or word. (Many blogs have built in fail-safes for stuff like that, the fun is gone now...) I originally built my Lexx blog on dialup that was so slow I couldn't pull up my own page to see it until I opened it up on a college network, and. it. looked. awesome. It was like a glossy fan magazine come to vibrant life, with scrolling actor links and the Lexx flying right across the page, and pages and pages of interactive STUFF.
What people are seeing now is stripped out blogs that have been rewritten by my hosts onto new servers. Yeah, I could have moved everything to wordpress, but if you've never really designed your own stuff, you have no clue how truly restrictive wordpress is. Blogger allows me to keep using scripts, but wordpress completely obliterates scripts and all java, and even auto-strips out certain regular code now. Sadly, Xanga has migrated to wordpress servers, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed we get the awesome internal tracking and mobile support that we used to have.
How many of you remember the geocities days? I miss geocities so bad. Yeah, it could look pretty crappy, but it was exciting and FUN. WordPress isn't *fun*. Blogger is sorta fun because I can still run my cute little sparkly mouse code, but google ripped that old profile out and replaced it, and then they took over youtube, and while I'm adapting and even thriving again, it's just not like the old days where I got to make all the decisions about everything you saw on my pages. Tumblr might be where I wind up going next, but only because I can actually see ALL the code that builds the page.
My dotcom is a reflection right now of my frustration at 'progress' in blogging. It is my sloppiest blog, and difficult to read unless you subscribe to a reader or email updates. It's basically a placeholder so no one else can get the dotcom. You know what? What it looks like right now isn't going to stop the traffic once it becomes a thing. I may be putting announcements and links on that blog you can't find anywhere else in my plethora of web presence, and it just may be the first place people go once I'm published if they don't have a clue I do all this other stuff.
It doesn't matter if my blogs don't look real slick, and it certainly doesn't bother me that people passing by in general probably think I'm a few cookies shy of a dozen. Professional me is an aspie who remembers where she came from. Professional me still likes the fun stuff. Blogs are like cars or motorcycles or Bluebird buses, you can pimp them any way you want, and what I want is what it looks like inside my head. Sometimes flipping through monotone blogs with straight lines reminds me of seeing a jillion white Chevy Luminas on the road. They might look like slick little stormtroopers zipping down the highway, but they're all the same. I know some of my blogs presently look like used cars that have seen better days, or like a college kid's dorm room, but this is just a small part of what's coming, if I get my way. I'm crossing my fingers I get a little money in so I can do what I really wanna do online.
I wanna caress your brains and let you know you're not alone in the long, dark nights and sad, lonely days. I'm out here, too.