I feel like I'm turning into a mole, so far behind and buried that I'm digging digging digging trying to reach a surface again.

Really long day in town yesterday but got a ton of stuff done, including spending an hour in the world's suckiest waiting room getting a piece of paper for my tax guy. It's the little things when you live as far out of town as I do, like taking an online purchase back to Penney's, or making a special trip across town to pay annual box fee, or winding up in the wrong place at the wrong time and something is closed for some odd reason, but most of the list is done now and my brain didn't even fall out this time, woohoo!

Long before I ran into the SnarkAlecs, I was watching stuff like this. Click it for a review. I love the opening song- "Our love festerrrssss like an open wou-ou-ound..."

And that's how I get off track very first thing thinking about brains. Where was I?

I guess I did a good job of shredding my knee while we had burrito the week of Christmas, and then I stubbornly kept trying to exercise on it all through January, finally figured out I was making it worse and backed off, so at least the swelling is gone now. Doc says if physical therapy doesn't make this better though, next step is appointment with orthopedic surgeon, and we all know I'm very not keen on intrusive invasive anything because lupus response and diabetic healing, right? I mean, I'm in great health now compared to the last few years, but if I'm the one tearing my knee up, then I need to be a good girl and let it heal. I'm trying not to think of the *cough* $200 *cough* I paid to my fitness center last November...

So today I'm making a big pot of settler's beans and stripping the bed for laundry and working on 6 different projects that got scattered after I was suddenly nominated at the last minute for that Shorty Award. I know it's a waste of time because I'm nowhere close to winning, but it's fun, right? And besides, ever since I was admonished a few years ago for 'wasting time' (#46 in this survey, which has had nearly a thousand views so far, stuff that in your face and chew it), I realized that I get more DONE in the time I waste than more people do in days. Here, have some eye candy from another survey.

Do you believe people from other countries are sexier?
Any time I feel like something I’m doing on the internet is a complete and utter waste of time, I think about the lengthy thesis I found on what is wrong with Bradley James having facial hair (he is outrageously good looking either way, I don’t see the problem with it) and continue with what I’m doing.

At any rate, it'll be fun to look back and say Hey, I was IN the Shorty Award nominations.

Ok, seriously off track again... This is what happens when I don't hit my personal blog for 3 days, I sit here organizing thoughts like people 'organize' old photos, you mostly make new piles and go nowhere all day while you free associate. So this is my work mode today. Time to move on.

We've got 10 weeks till we leave on vacation. That suddenly doesn't seem like much time.

Last fall I considered a two week hiatus from public to get some things done and decided against it because I felt it was personally important to stay in contact with the world. I'm *very* good at being a recluse. I'm the one who disappears for months and doesn't call for weeks and doesn't check email for days and my phone is on mute most of the time. That all changed summer 2012. I committed to public and staying visible, and recommitted to that again last fall when I decided that having an actual social life was a positive psychological health priority. Plus it's fun. 

I'm a natural creature of habit, more like deeply trenched rut because aspie, so readapting my work/sleep routines around social activities several times over the last nine months has been a challenge. I feel out of balance a lot, but the funny thing is, I'm actually getting way more done now every day than I used to. As time moves on, I grow more productive in new ways because I have a social life. I didn't expect that. Some people call me hyper, but one of my super powers is organizing time, maybe because of some of the jobs I've had. I also can't stop working, even on my laziest days, partly because I was expected to work so hard through my childhood. Granted, I can simulate laziness (I had to learn that), but it's carefully manipulated, as anyone around me can tell you that I kinda freak out about wet towels on the floor or dirty dishes in the wrong place, etc. I used to be one of those people who mopped the floor on my hands and knees on a regular schedule and moved furniture around just to vacuum underneath. Every day I make myself not think about the dust gathering out of sight on the tops of my cupboards, but Scott has given me strict commands not to climb on the counters any more.

I had planned on getting some things done by the end of February, and I'm juggling a few problems slowing me down (knee, etc), plus burrito, so I'm thinking maybe I'll have to back off on a few social things for a couple of weeks. I'm having a hard time deciding what to cut back on. Obvious choice is live tweeting shows with a twitter gang, but I so enjoy that. I'm wondering if it might be more conducive to my time to just stop cooking and go to paper plates. I dunno. I'll figure it out. My aspie brain is whispering that we can schedule out my days down to the minutes if we commit strongly enough, but that feels like a happy little path to compulsion hell.

Behind all this overthinking is the thrill that I am overthinking after all the brain problems I had for a few years. 

This post took a couple hours to write, sentence here and there while I did other things, in case anyone thinks cutting out sitting here yapping would save me some time, lol. Just nice to have my thoughts organized where I can come back and see them later, nice thing to have around when you become a little glitchy.

Time to get all over some WORK.

Sometimes astrologers really get me.

I am uber aspie the last few days. I can't tell you what this does to enhance my scorpio qualities. I struggle daily with my compulsion to plunge back into my old evil villain ways. My fascination with this career field started at a very young age. Click to go.

It's occurring to me that some people will take this post way too seriously. I'd like to assume there is inherent good-humored intelligence tracking through, but I'll more than likely walk away and forget I was even here. Thanks to the lab accident, I don't have to drink to experience brown outs.

Today is an assess and revamp some major thinking kind of day. I have deeply embedded trust issues. I can tolerate being condescended to, that's human nature. What's hard is keeping bridges intact to relationships I don't understand. Because THAT is my kryptonite.

If I haven't killed you yet, it's because I like you. If you haven't pushed me off a cliff yet, it's because you like me. But if we're having a bad day, we're both thinking about it.

I've often said I'd make a good dog. I even hope in my next life I'm a dog. Everything is pretty clear cut when you're a dog. I think the kind of life I'd like as a dog is running around with a little boy on a bike or hanging around the neighborhood playing ball or skateboarding.

Brief whine- The last few days my pain level has gotten a little freakish. I keep forgetting that other people don't always know or remember that I can't take pills to get relief. If you've never in your life experienced the kind of deep bone pain that requires shotloads of controlled narcotics (which I try very hard not to do more than twice a year so my medical records don't make me look like an addict), then I must politely say fuck off and walk away before I kill you because you said something stupid to me. I think I do a very good job of * being nice * for the circumstances I live in, and being aspie, I usually feel I am the last one who should be apologizing. That being said, general apology to the world this weekend, sorry I wrecked your day if you accidentally and innocently bombed me with your own stuff. I know we've all got stuff.

Moving on. Scott and I are hoping I don't wind up with knee surgery, point blank. We're also hoping I don't wind back up on cancer watch, point blank. I've got some things to deal with the next couple of weeks with a few doctors, and with any luck I'll only wind back up on a physical therapy schedule before we go on vacation later this spring. This winter has sucked in a variety of ways and since I epic failed with my new psychiatrist handing me more guinea pig prescriptions in desperate attempts to get me sleeping and mood stabilized (good grief, people), I'm on my own again. The only reason I'm not jealous of people who can drink themselves to sleep is a- I've already been through that kind of liver pain, and b- I know you're headed there. Please don't awww me in comments, thanx. I need bazookas and Mad Magazine right now.

BACK TO DISTRACTION!!! Time to get back to WORK.

The stabby ear drum started around noon yesterday and I woke up this morning feeling my heartbeat in my ear, so I might not be very fun today. I'm particularly aggrieved that no one has set a silly scifi or fractal/mandelbrot vid of ANY kind to "Two of Hearts" by Stacey Q. So here you go, the Farscape vid I rescued after it just sat there forever on youtube being screwed up. You're welcome. (May be blocked in some countries.)

And while I'm at it, Happy Valentine's Day. These are also rescue vids, so they're not available in searches.

I'm going to spend my Valentine's Day picking up a battery and glucose testing supplies, having my knee x-rayed, getting my taxes done, and then bringing home a burrito to spend the night so her parents can have a Valentine movie, because I'm the fabled Valentine Fairy, I make Valentine's Day fun wherever I go.

Was I right about the bug? Sore throat slammed me through the night and this morning it looks like burger in there. 

About ready to get past Valentine's Day. My fasting glucose was back up to 100 this morning. Anxious for that equinox to hurry up and roll around so these winter stuff-my-face-like-a-bear hormones will lighten up. This clicks to more cute polar bear stuff. 

Getting a list together for tomorrow. Need a new battery for my glucose meter- CR2032. Button batteries are so cute.  I changed a lot of watch batteries during the retail years. Scott's out of his coffee, will hafta trek across town for that. We may be getting burrito for a pajama party for Valentines. And of course, we're doing taxes tomorrow. Valentine's Day wouldn't be complete without something like that. Every single year Valentine's Day, our anniversary, and my birthday have some kind of huge appointment, without fail. I'm so used to it now that it would be weird without it, because I suck at romance. One of the most popular aspie posts I ever wrote is aspie lovin, was getting hit every single day before the Xanga migration. I get a kick out searching 'Valentine fail'. You get stuff like this, and yes, it clicks to the page.

And if you haven't figured out by now that I like to skew the whole romance thing like a mobius pretzel, you need to see my Valentine Curry Toon. Imagine what *doesn't* make it out of my head into the light...

PLAN today- take apart the rest of the whole chicken from yesterday and make stir fry, get the dishes done *again*, and today I'm washing rugs and doing floors because yesterday, in the middle of the sudden veering into all that tutorial study, I very abruptly went on a rampage and tore bathrooms apart cleaning them.

I think this was the coolest thing that came out of yesterday. You get more info when you click that out to a new window.